I don’t know about men but as girls i feel like everyone around taught us that being a mom, having a lovely home and a bunch of kids is the ultimate goal towards happiness in life. As the years went by girls started discussing among themselves how they wanted to get married and how many kids they wanted to have. Then as teens and young adults we were told that physical attraction, sex and love are only acceptable stepping stones as long as they lead towards a stable and happy partnership and homelife.
I might be a hypocrite while over analyzing my own viewpoints but i am all for marriage. I dig commitment and silently judge people claiming to not need a paper to prove their love as i think they are scared of marriage. After all, previous generations have put this pressure on us to achieve stability, commitment in a happy and working marriage. I believe that the majority of people who don’t want to get married are not doing it because of personal beliefs. I think they are afraid that after telling the whole world that the dude/chick they’ve been screwing and/or living with is more than just a fling and “until death do us part” does not hold up, society will judge them for their inability to make things work. Divorce as a character flaw. It is easier to not get married at all, to not take the gamble then to take on the wrath and pity of your loved ones for “failing”. (Obviously, a minority is just to poor to get married in a way their moms or mother’s in law would deem acceptable for the family pics.)
Now to the kids. The older (yes i know i am really not technically old) i get the less i want children. This all started in my late teens when some freaks moved in with their boyfriends, got hitched or knocked up. I never had a clue if i should congratulate them on the great news or..honestly congratulate them on ruining most of their options in life. Then, everytime someone asked me how many kids i wanted, the number kept dwindling until i realized..i have no desire to procreate. At first i blamed it on the fact that for the first time in my life i was happy and semi-balanced, i was meeting interesting people, studying fascinating stuff and dressing like a freaking hobo. I was allowed to be selfish and only care about making myself happy, and i loved it!
Nowadays, i feel less and less desperate for being loved and i realize that a baby will not cure loneliness. Also, i am in no way willing to dial down my craziness and commit to raising a kid. I really don’t believe raising a child is something that should be figured out on the go. If you don’t feel the instincts to begin with then why make another human being miserable from day one? My instincts tell me that i could not be bothered with years of sleeplessness and divided attention, the pain of giving birth and a stretched out vagina for one smile from a constantly ill and bad behaved creature. It would be like having a drunken friend living with you, completely unreasonable and crapping everyone. Only difference is that you are responsible for every aspect of your child’s life. Sounds harsh..well they always say one should listen to their inner voice.
Don’t get me wrong, i like people and am really enjoying my time working with teenagers. This is something i could see myself doing, being there for the young people with a brain who want to improve something in their lives, showing them that there are opportunities in life, trying to encourage them to believe in their own potential. This however is only possible with humans who have a working brain and i don’t have the patience to wait until my own spawn would develop that.
Never say never though, it might be just fear or inexperience talking. The will to be different then the destined path of society to get an education-get a job-get married-have kids-die. This might be true but i do admit my desire to “settle down” at some point, i just don’t see myself with a baby. Oh and has anyone ever realized that being a bad mother is the biggest behavioral and character flaw a woman can have? Whereas being a bad father brings on blame for the women who chose to have kids with the bad father as they “should have seen that he was no good” but that is all. Either way, i know i would be crap at being a parent and other things, i don’t need to try them out to convince me i am right. The only change i can see happening is what Hollywood taught me: you meet the man of your dreams and your ultimate goal becomes to have a child with him. Maybe i am too desensitized but is there really anyone who still believes in this? If so, me and Santa would love to hear from you.